We are so thrilled today to be sharing an incredible article from our dear friend, Nicholas Kowalski! Nick runs an extraordinary website, "Life Rediscovered". We fell in love with his musings at first read. Nick's heart of gold & sage words continue to inspire us. Enjoy this beautiful piece.
The most powerful, prevalent need for the human being is to be accepted and loved. We spend most of our lives trying to fill this need by searching in the external world; getting into a good career, earning a lot of money, finding the perfect lover, and following trends - these are all external ways we seek love and acceptance. Though these things can be perfectly healthy, statistics show that we have been going about them the wrong way...discontentment in careers, and a rise in stress-related diseases is prevalent in our society. Only humans live so removed from their natural rhythms; animals certainly don't live this way, nor buy into its insanity. Aside from statistics of discontentment; we all know this phenomena to be true from experience. The question is why are we doing this to ourselves? What is the motive for us to act so differently than what nature calls for? Could it be that our attempt for love, attention and acceptance have been coming from a dark place? Are we actually seeking understanding and self-acceptance, or running from our own dissatisfaction of ourselves?
Attractiveness isn't something you become; it's something you are.
I would like to hint that our stress-prone human nature is due to the disconnected perception of our connectedness to nature. We simultaneously feel that we are more intelligent than nature, all the while knowing that we don't know what we're doing. This is the duality of the mind; mind vs. heart. We talk about love and compassion, yet take actions in conflict with this intention. A lot of us are obsessed with our looks; confusing crash dieting with healthy nourishment - instead we are over-working and under sleeping. In short, we are stressed. We are stressing ourselves out in a desperate attempt to make others like us. Yet if we truly loved ourselves; why so much stress? What's the need in over-doing it? What are we running from in our attempt to run after something? The truth is, there is nowhere to go. If we want to become attractive, we have to be it. Be, do, have. Most of us are doing and having; yet completely unfulfilled. That's because the secret is in the being.
Ego vs. Love: Finding Your Center
Somewhere along the line, our egoic minds have convinced us of a pretty demanding set of rules before we are considered attractive and lovable, let alone irresistible. It is the ego's requirements that keep us from being and frantically doing, trying, and failing. You may be familiar with some of these standards of the ego:
- Once I'm healthy I'll be attractive
- When I get a good job, I'll be good enough
- If I had enough money I'd start living my dreams
- Soon as I have my perfect life, then I can love others
- Only until my life is perfect I will be happy
- I can't enjoy here, it's not as wonderful as there
- I love myself, therefore I choose to nourish my body with healthy foods
- I have so much to give, my work is a service to people who appreciate it
- I know nothing is impossible, life supports me and my dreams for a reason
- I love others because I am the source of love, it overflows from me to others
- The present moment is a product of my desires. There is so much to love here; there is only love here
When comparing Love's Voice and Ego's Voice side-by-side it's easy to see the right choice; love is always the answer. What makes us so stressed, unattractive and desperately fighting to fit in is that we follow the voice of the ego. We buy into its game because we don't know the truth of ourselves; love. What makes a person irresistible is a quality of love; one which we call charisma. Think of the more attractive people you know - what is common in all of them is their charm. There is "just something about them." The good news is that anyone can become charming, this quality has nothing to do with the ego (looks, status, money) - it has everything to do with love.
I have broken up charisma into three sub-qualities; presence, power, and compassion. These three qualities can be learned by anyone. I will first define them for you and then show how you can realize them for yourself.
• Presence- A state of being, where one is free from the burden of distraction; existing totally in the moment. To be totally present always brings love into the room. Think about the times when you make eye contact with a person, and feel you are attentively listened to or heard. These are moments of total presence, and are super attractive! These moments outweigh all qualities of the ego.
• Power- There are two types of power; agency power and self-power. Agency power requires an agent - such as a large bank account, or important title (president, CEO, manager). Self-power is from the spirit. People with self-power, or what I like to call personal power, feel beneath no one, they are immune to criticism, but are attune to feedback - seeing it as useful. They are fearless. Someone with personal power isn't afraid to take risks, because they believe in themselves. Lincoln and Gandhi, are perfect examples of people with true power. Instead of seeking outside gratification, they had a vision and believed in it. What an incredible act of self-love, to know that you are so filled with all that you need, that you need not take from anyone, not even their advice. Lincoln had a vision that went against the collective belief of an entire nation. Yet he succeeded in his vision, because his acts were of love. Even in his death, he won, because love cannot die. To this day we idolize his courage. This type of success cannot be taken away, because it was borne out of self-power and self-love. You can take away the bank account, the looks, the job or status, yet a man who truly stands for his self-power will remain. Beauty such as this is inward and eternal; never born, never dead.
Becoming Truly Powerful: Personally, I find exercise and nutrition to be an incredible gateway to realizing your true power. The way that food heals from within, and that exercise builds physical strength from within, demonstrates such a powerful microcosm of self-power. As they say, "true wealth is health." We normally associate material wealth with power and yet, true-wealth is much like true-power; it is a state of consciousness. Wealth is found in the abundance mindset. True wealth is what stays once the physical has left.
Through eating a healthy diet, we learn that building strength and energy can be as simple as focusing inward. Good food and proper exercise build energy from within, as do sleep and meditation. If you want to develop personal power, I advise starting with a healthy lifestyle. Witness the personal strength and awareness it takes to make the correct food choice. The act of simply choosing a nourishing food over a food that only satisfies taste, requires a type of inner-connection and self-awareness. This builds power. Another way to build personal power is by setting and accomplishing a goal - believing in it just for the sake of accomplishing a worthy goal; not investing in the outcome. When making power-building lifestyle goals - start with something small; wake up 15 minutes early to meditate, drink 1 extra glass of water, or go for a daily walk. In time you will notice an inner harmony that was previously hidden beneath the voice of fear.
• Compassion- The purest and highest form of love is compassion, it is completely unconditional love and kindness. In compassion there is so much warm love that it bubbles over onto others, warming them. The reason compassion is so very attractive is because the act of compassion is authentic and pure. In contrast is conditional love, where we are happy when we get something - validation in the forma of a hug, kiss, an "I love you," or another act of kindness which is given to us. Conditional love is born of the ego and does not embody attractiveness. In compassionate love, love is sharing - we are grateful simply that someone has received our love. This is the quality of compassionate figures such as Mother Theresa, most healers, and even musicians. All truly irresistible people live from compassion. Instead of sharing gifts through an eyedropper, attractive people share their gifts, talents, and love like a waterfall - free for anyone to soak in. We usually find the passionate person attractive because they have live energy! The passionate person has love and passion inside of them and is seeking in expressing it in the form of compassion.
About the Author:
Nicholas Kowalski is a young but highly experienced Healthy Living influence and Holistic Lifestyle Coach. Inspired by a health class at the age of 10, he set out on his quest to achieve his unlimited potential through healthy living. He spends his time cultivating his passion for life through diet experimentation, exercise, travel, philosophy, and writing to share what he learns with the world. Currently the owner and writer at Life Rediscovered; an online holistic health blog, perhaps his greatest passion of all is spreading his love for health around the world. When he isn't shirtless in nature, engaged in physical fitness, or holding an audience at a random health food store as he shares his insights, you might catch him channeling his creative energy into music or modeling. Whatever it is that he is doing, he is doing it with full passion, deep love and the intention to share it with the world as a light of health and possibility.
Edited by the irresistable goddess Kaia Harper
Bio Photo by Joem Bayawa Photography